Epic Crisco
by gaaraluver1
Summary: A really really short one shot. This story makes fun of cheesy romance novels Neji and TenTen style! So please do not take it seriously! Please no flames! Review if you want cookies!


**Author's Notes!!!!**

**Please do not take this story seriously. This story is meant to be funny! ; It is a joke between me and my friends! Also, this story is completely random and not the mention on crack.**

**WARNING!**

**This story makes fun of cheesy romance novels that single 50 year old women would read while laying in their bed eating chocolate and sulking!!!1**

Epic Cresco

Neji ran frantically through a strange village, pushing people out of his way. His eyes shifted back and forth for his beloved club the "Claudia." His silky jet black hair flowed gracefully behind him. The wind blew hard against his masculine body. He could feel the cold air on his unclothed upper body. His fragile nipples harden as the wind blew more intense. His body was so buff that his huge biceps and man tities flexed and rippled from the slightest touch. The only thing that cover his manliness was a single cloth. His heavy metal two horned Viking helmet bounced violently on top of his head while he ran.

He heard screaming in the distance, but he ignored it because he was too preoccupied in finding his dear sweat Claudia. "Oh Claudia, where is it that I have placed you?!" Neji said in his deep German accent.

He heard another scream from the same woman the screamed a few minutes ago. He continued to run but stopped in his track because he heard the woman screaming again.

"Let me go!" "Or I will hit you in the nuts with this club that I found!" The woman yelled sounding slightly pissed off.

"CLAUDIA!" Neji tried to run back to where he heard the woman, but he was too tired from running the 15 feet he just ran.

He turned his head in frustration; angered at how much energy he used to move his giant bulging muscled down body. But then, when he finally turned his head after being delayed by his thoughts he saw a woman wearing two buns in her hair, holding his beloved Claudia.

**Quick brake!**

**My friend is here helping me write this story.**

**Friend: Is there any German ninjas in Naruto?**

**Note: My friend is real.**

Back to the story

His eyes widened while he stared at her perfectly sculpted twin breasts. He couldn't keep his deep white eyes off of them. The woman slowly turned around to look at him. "Jiggle, Jiggle." Is all that he heard.

"Vfhat?" Neji asked while trying to come to his senses. "I said," the woman said looking angered, "that I had to chase you 15 feet just to get you to notice me!"

"Oh." Neji replied. "Vfhat is it you vfant from me?"

"I wanted to know you're name." The woman replied in a seductive voice.

"Unf." "My name is Neji." He replied in a deep voice. "I believe you have somefing vfhat belongs to me."

"You mean my virginity?" She said in an even sexier tone.

Neji was shocked at her response. All he could do was stare at her in amazement. After a few long minutes of staring at each other, Neji finally came up with a reply. "You have my club." He said while pointing at Claudia.

"Oh," She said while grabbing Claudia and stoking it seductively, "you mean this thing?"

She looked back up at Neji and saw that his big friend was protruding out of his cloth and he was sweating all over his body. Just looking at him like that made her excited, she couldn't help but let out a moan of pleasure.

"Moan!" She yelped as she looked at his hard on.

"Yea!" He said while looking at her breasts as they jiggled.

They stood there repeating that process for about six minutes until Neji finally grabbed the woman's hand and took her to his cave. (Yes a cave! Got a problem with it?!) When they finally arrived to the cave after a long journey, (actually it's only a three minute walk, but they decided to run so they had to stop and rest for a few minutes), Neji threw her on the cold hard ground and threw himself on top of her.

"Vfhat is your name?" He asked her while breathing heavily.

"TenTen." She said while breathing from excitement.

TenTen then pushed him off of her and tore off his cloth. Then out of nowhere she pulled out a 45 oz. of Cresco. She grabbed a lighter and started rubbing the Cresco all over his masculine body. She then hungrily started to lick every drop off of his body. (She's one of those people who like to eat fattening food for a living)

Neji got even more excited and hard with every lick that he couldn't contain himself anymore. He threw TenTen against a wall (standing up) and tore off all of her see through clothes. (I never told you this, but TenTen is wearing the sexy kind of laundry the women always wear in these cheesy love novels) He kissed every inch of her body as his oily body rubbed up against hers. He then grabbed a bottle of sweet and sour sauce and started rubbing it all over TenTen.

TenTen moaned in pleasure as his tongue moved lower and lower. "Moan!" She yelped as Neji finally reached his destination. "Oh!" "Yea!" "Moan!" TenTen continued to yell. When Neji finally stopped, he placed his manhood inside of her flower. (his ding-dong her taco whatever you want to call them) With every thrust Neji made, he made sounds of pleasure along with TenTen. "UNF!" "UNF!" "UNF!" Neji yelled.

After a totally of 10 minutes and 1 round of non stop humping, Neji got tired and feel a sleep on top of TenTen. (Which didn't last long because they were both so slippery, that Neji fell off of her)

**Okay, here's the thing, I'm too lazy to right a big giant ending and I really need to get started on the next chapter of my other story so here is this really corny ending!**

The next day Neji and TenTen eloped and had wild sex every day of the week. After about ten years, TenTen has had about 15 children. (Hey! It's another Brittney Spears!!!) And they all lived happily ever after!

**So how did you like it? Pretty corny huh? Well, thank you for wasting your time reading this really stupid story. If you review I will give you a cookie!**

**This story is dedicated to my good friend Happygomoo!**


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